Dreams:People

In this section you will find dreams and their assessment in relation to people

Dream about father

Oh my fucking god I just got into a fight where I killed my father. It was a dream and somehow my father and I got into a fight about rattlesnakes. I was talking about how cool they were or something and my father starts saying “stay away from snakes” and I’m like “that’s not the point” and my father interprets that as “you’re wrong” and “refuses to re-consider” and resists that in himself by saying “no I’m right, you’re wrong, you stay away from snakes”-- and then suddenly “I am the one who is wrong” and I am suddenly copying my father-- then we’re fighting-- it got to a point where my father attacked me- he came at me in single-minded, focused fury and punched me right in the throat- we fought, and in the fighting my father took a picture of me and my sister as infants and punched each of the images in the throat- it left a little mark on each of the pictures where we had been hit in the throat. Like, as if by attacking the photo he was attacking us. I then broke both my father’s wrists and punched him in the throat and killed him. I was not expecting my father to die, but when he did not get up I thought that he was dead. He was in his underwear. It had been very hard to hurt him because his body was so much bigger than me. I was fearful about getting in trouble for killing him, so I was relieved to have the “photo that he had attacked”- because it seemed to me like this was proof of the depravity of my father’s behavior and would justify to others what I had done. (oddly, the photo was not like “a family photo- it was like “a magazine catalouge”- the background was a solid blue color, and my sister and I as infants were side-by-side as if we were each a separate image placed next to each other to model (each of us) a pair of infant-underwear. There were 4 images that my father “attacked/ marked” in total- I only mentioned the two earlier because that was all I was certain of. I think there was an image of my mother involved in that somehow. Like one of the two other images was of her as a teenager.) -My father “attacking me”: This is a clear reference to a time when my father punched me in the sternum onetme. His “focused fury” in the dream is a clear and direct recreation of that incident when he attacked me like that. I have thought to myself in the past: “Well at least it was in the sternum. Maybe he didn’t really even want to hurt me because he hit me in the ‘most guarded spot’ on my body. -When practicing martial arts, several months later and much more recently, I have practiced striking at the throat; I always imagine myself attacking someone much bigger than me and the throat/ neck is an easy place to guarantee instant damage. -Apparently I am attacking my father when I practice martial arts. I have not noticed that before. I remember the moment where I first started to lift weights/ workout/ bodybuild- I remember what I was seeing with my eyes and what I was thinking: I was looking at these double doors in my mother’s house- and I was thinking “Should I do this? Isn’t it really self-absorbed, arrogant and insecure? Should I really go into this?” --what “made up my mind” was the thought of “me being able to “beat back” my father if he ever hit me again.” Self-pity and self-infatuation got me and I went into it, resulting later on in significant eating disorders.

Perspective

So in essence in the dream you're fighting against yourself as the idea and belief you're still holding and not actually self forgiving of yourself towards your father - a pointer to understand when one has been abused by parents is to realize that they certainly don't know what they are/were doing, they were programmed to do that and we have to self forgive unconditionally to actually let go. What I see in this dream about killing is not so much the idea of actually having 'him' dead but finally killing that idea/belief you are still holding a grudge on to as your father - which has been a constant dwelling throughout your process - and I say 'which' because it's simply the entire point he represents: you fighting against you as everything that you judge about him is also ourselves - anything we judge about others is us as well - hence the importance of self forgive and let go. The 'Letting Go' is the death part - finally having the opportunity to get rid of it, to end the constant battle against yourself as the idea you've held against your father and that's it.

Rattle snake reminded me of the animal support stuff back then wherein I had that 'animal support' and Bernard described it as 'Rattling the cages of the caged' which means actually daring to get ourselves out of our self-created jail - your father has become that point of limitation which keeps you locked in to your entire self-definition. Hence the coolness of this dream wherein you can simply say I am able to do this through stopping my eternal grudge against my father and stand up clear, self forgive and let go.

From here I suggest looking at where and how you could still be directing points in your world 'just to not be like your father' which is what ALL human beings go around thinking as constant ingrained fear of 'not becoming like our parents'. So this time, we have to literally simply let go of that pre-programmed link of father-son and the conflict of becoming them to realize we are definitely able and capable of directing ourselves to become that which is best for all and not continuing the same patterns - which in resisting them would simply fuel the entire point so you would then in fact end up becoming like him/ or anyone else for that matter that you could contain information from.

So that's about acting in Self-Direction, Self-Will to not simply act out of spitefulness, vengeance or opposition which is only creating the polarity and thus perpetuating the same bs.

Quote: "so for all the words I will speak its really useless because I'm not placing the words with the intention to support myself in living practicality, but am just "entrenching' myself in this energetic personality-machine so I can delude myself into believing I am separate from and protected from these forms of energetic abuse (self-judgment, fear, inferiority, suppression, superiority, justification, denial, delusion, dishonesty) I am allowing to exist as myself"

See how you KNOW what you are doing yet you still believe yourself to not be capable of seeing this for yourself. I can assure you you are aware of what I just wrote above, it's just a matter of living it - as we've discussed previously as well.

So stop entrenching yourself in this self-belief of not being able to support yourself and simply continuing deluding yourself. So see how you say 'believe yourself to be protected' - we only require protection when we are already accepting the fear as ourselves - thus realize that you are doing within that the same as 'resisting becoming like your father', just acting out the constant polarity in friction which ends up simply in you locking yourself down in those actual judgments, suppressions, justifications etc. You allow it, now it's simply time to let go of them.

That's how Death means Re-Birth as well - re-birthing yourself now without the entire huge-ghost that you've created of your father - ghost because it's simply the ideal you've kept of him holding you down.

I'd say the day you stop seeing your father as your eternal enemy, you'll start seeing how obvious it is that you have only been fighting yourself, that you can actually stop and start from scratch building yourself now without having that constant pre-configuration of the family construct -specifically related to father - loaded as 'who you are'.

We can only fight ourselves, we can only spite ourselves, we can only abuse ourselves when believing to be antagonizing anything/anyone.

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